Beautiful letter on behalf of every daughter
April 15, 2018
I am fine here, so please don’t worry. My in-laws take care of me and my husband loves me too. But it’s not same, mom. I am not the same person, anymore. It feels totally different. Right from the moment I wake up, I feel responsible as a woman. I am no more the girl of the house. I have suddenly become the lady. I can no more just keep sleeping because I feel like. I need to get up and start my day by making tea in the kitchen. They all are nice to me. But, no one comes to wake me up from the bed, kissing my forehead. I can’t scream from the bed: “mom”. And then, it hits me, mom, that I am no more at my home. I no more live in my room, with my family.
It’s not fair on me, mom. For so many years, you raised me in your home, giving me all the love and care. And then one fine day, you said: “ok go, you don’t live here anymore”. You say that’s how our society is and we all do it. But mom, I don’t care about that. I never wanted this, and I don’t like it. I miss my room. I miss my bed, my pillow, my curtains, and my walls. I feel chained here, though loved, but chained. I hate my brother for getting to live with you for the rest of his life. He won’t be moving out. He won’t be adjusting in a new family. And he won’t be taken away from his parents. All these years, you guys always favored me over him. Even dad always took my side. But at the end of the day, whom did you keep? Him. That’s so unfair.
I have to think twice, before I ask for anything. I look around for approval. I overthink about what they will think of me. They don’t say it. But being a modern day working woman, I am always scared of being judged a vamp. There are times, when I just want to lock myself in my room and stay there, on the bed, sleeping. But, I no more have that luxury. My husband still can, but I can’t, as I must go out and be with the family. It sucks to be a woman, sometimes. It gets tiring when you always have to do the right thing for the whole family. I want to be brat of the house again. I want to be pampered, forgiven, and listened to. I too feel like doing the wrong things. I too want to live freely. But I can’t, mom. There is always this responsibility that I am now the woman of the house. And I can’t let your upbringing down.
I am writing this to you, mom. Because whom else I can share my pain with? You understand me, maa. You know how it feels, as you too have gone through the same pain. And I repeat. My in-laws are lovely people. They don’t trouble me at all. But, at the end of the day, I am their daughter-in-law. And I miss being the daughter. I miss seeing dad’s face, when I enter the home after a long day’s work. Last evening, I missed dad so much that I went to the bathroom and started crying. I miss my brother teasing me. Nobody is here to fight with me, mom. He is not here to irritate me the whole time, and it kills me, this silence, this peace. I miss that idiot so much. I know he misses me too when he calls me randomly, but he will never say it. He just calls and says his shit and puts the phone down. But, I notice his pain.
I miss you guys. I miss everything that I got so used to, in all these years. It all feels alien. Sometimes, I just wake up and wish that it’s just a dream. And I will be back in my home, my room, soon. I am always smiling here, mom. But, I am not always happy. I miss my family. I miss you, mom. I miss you so very much. I feel so helpless when I can’t just go to your room and hug you tightly. Sometimes, I just keep staring at our family pics, and I just cry.
Why I had to leave home, mom? Why me? I don’t like it. Please take me back. I swear that I will behave nicely. I won’t trouble you guys. I promise. I won’t ask for anything. Just let me stay in my home. I won’t even ask for the TV remote during dinner time. Tell that idiot that he can eat all my ice cream and I won’t say a word. I will be a good daughter, mom. I promise that I won’t trouble you. Please, I want to feel like a daughter again. Please take me back. I want to go back home.